My Second Experience Dating After JW

So I met up with several girls off of OkCupid but most of them I just met up with once.  Then I chatted with a girl that I’m going to call Tina.  Tina was cute and a bit different from Ashley.

I came up with the game plan of meeting up with people at the mall.  I felt more comfortable walking around the mall chatting with someone than sitting with a stranger face to face at a table.  I feel like I’m not sure where to look and I feel very awkward.  Also I feel like its safer to meet somewhere public.  So when I met Tina we met up at the Mall.

By this time I had learned to not discuss my past too much.  I tried to avoid talking about my past at all or if I did I tried to mention it in a very vague way.  I find that once I start talking about my past its hard to stop.  Plus if I give a little information then there is always more questions.

On Tina’s profile she mentions that she is Bi-sexual.  I’m both fascinated and confused by sexuality.  I mentioned to Tina that I saw she wrote she was Bisexual and I asked her what being bisexual meant to her.  Tina was extremely offended that I dare ask her about bisexuality.

At the time I was very passive and avoided all conflict.  So once I saw that she was offended I reflexively apologized and backed off my question.  Looking back though I had every right to ask.  Why would she put that in her profile if she didn’t want to me to know or talk about this?  Looking back I should have cut things off with Tina at that very moment.

So the meetup ended and things were good.  Now this all happened shortly before my birthday.  I mentioned to Tina that my birthday was coming up and but that I had no plans.  Tina offered to go out to eat with me on my birthday

So I drove to Tina’s house to pick her up.  I texted her and then in my review mirror I see Tina sprinting down the driveway, and if I remember correctly in high heeled shoes.  She was wearing some sort of “romper” style outfit that showed a lot of leg.  She also had some sort of pearly necklace. She was giving off a “dressed up” type vibe.

I thought the sprinting down the drive way was odd, my gut instinct was that she didn’t want someone to know she was leaving the house.  I also felt uncomfortable with her “dressed up” style.  Not because it looked bad but because I looked like a bum.  I was swearing a T-shirt, plain shorts and flip flops.

On the ride to the restaurant I attempted to talk about my past in a hypothetical and vague way to see how Tina responded. She didn’t respond well. It didn’t seem like she would not be empathetic to male victims of abuse or to cult survivors.  Overall it seemed that Tina and I did not agree on basic ideology.  Again in hindsight this was a warning sign and I should have cut things off then.

We went to the restaurant and the food was delicious.  While we were eating Tina was kicking me from under the table, in hindsight perhaps she was trying to be flirty but I felt uncomfortable.

Tina also divulged a lot of personal information about herself.  In particular she talked about an eating disorder.  She seemed confused regarding the disorder and divulged conflicting dates regarding when she last had an episode.  I didn’t ask her about any of this she was voluntarily divulging it.  It’s not the eating disorder that I had an issue with so much as her apparent confusing regarding whether or not she was currently experiencing an episode.  She also talked at length about psychiatric medications she was on.

Then Tina went to the bathroom and unknown to me Tina paid for the meal. I felt really bad about this.  Tina also gave me a gift.  A book wrapped in wrapping paper.  It was super sweet but made me uncomfortable because this was a girl that I had just met.

As we walked out Tina was very clingy, grabbing at me and hugging my arm.  I felt very uncomfortable.  I wasn’t sure how to handle this but I thought from my experience with Ashley that she would be offended if I was standoffish or if I rejected her touching me. So I tried to just play it cool and not freak out.

Then we got in the car and I was driving her back to her house. She was giving me directions and I’m fairly certain she took us the long way back to her house because the drive took forever.  All the while she was aggressively touching me, playing with my ear, touching my neck, grabbing my crotch.  I felt extremely uncomfortable.

I had basically no dating experience I wasn’t sure how to handle this.  I didn’t want her to feel bad about herself but I really hated her touching me.  So I just let her continue to touch me.  Then we got back to her house. I felt like my skin was crawling.  I felt disgusted.  And then Tina asked if I would kiss her and I said no.

I told Tina that I needed more time to warm up and that I just didn’t feel comfortable right then.  Later either that night or the next day I texted Tina to explain that I had slow to warm up personality and I wasn’t accustomed to that much physical touching from people I didn’t know.

Tina responded with saying that she wasn’t into me and that she wanted someone who would be more physical with her. I said that was fine and that I was happy that we clarified that.  Tina and I stopped chatting at that time.

Now lets move forward a few months. I randomly get a text from Tina. My gut told me that I shouldn’t talk with her but I talked with her anyways. Tina said she was house sitting and invited me over to house sit with her.

I went over and hung out with her. The evening went fine.  We made cookies and chatted. As we chatted I discovered that the home she was watching, and that we were sitting in, actually belonged to a coworker of mine.  What kind of bizarre coincidence is that?  Right? I also discuss my JW past in more depth  and Tina said she had a friend who escaped Mormonism.  Tina also talked about her life aspirations to be a clinical psychologist.

So after that night we continue to exchange texts. I invited Tina to do things but she declined. Instead Tina texts me about how she is hanging out, going on dates, and cuddling with other guys. We continue chatting and this sort of behavior goes on for a while.

Then I decide that I don’t like this and I don’t deserve to be treated like this.  So I text Tina and tell her that she is an attractive person with great aspirations but i felt like we shouldn’t be texting anymore.  Tina then responds by telling me that I “took advantage” of her and that I was “sexist”, that I “victimized” her, and  “dehumanized” her.  She then blocked me.

I texted her friend on Facebook explaining what had happened and asked if she would check on her.  I didn’t say this to her but I was worried that Tina wasn’t stable and I was worried she might do something to harm herself. The friend text me back trying to shame me.  I responded by simply thanking her for checking on Tina.

Thus ends my second dating story, and my experience with Tina.  Just like with Ashley, I learned a lot from my experience. I will reference back to this story because it shaped my view of the world, and my view of women substantially.

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